Undercover Wife or Devious Trapper?

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Relationships and crisis go hand-in-hand. In a relationship crisis, it’s not about who is to blame, who was wrong, who hurt who. Finding blame actually makes it almost impossible to constructively deal with the crisis.

Relationships are the combined energy of all partners – warts and all. The ultimate connection (or disconnection) comes from the combined behaviours of the partners and breakdown is always a possibility at some time in all relationships.

In the early months, relationships usually feel effortless and exciting, but that’s not forever. Long-term success comes from the ongoing efforts of both partners, and to stay successful, relationships have to keep up with life’s changes as well as be the catalyst for even more change.

Because relationships, like everything else in the universe, are constantly changing, it’s inevitable that problems are going to occur. Unrealistic and unreasonable demands, unexplored expectations, unresolved issues, difficult patterns of behaviours and the like are the norm rather than the exception in every partnership.

And in every problem circumstance it is easy make someone wrong or right. The problem with doing so is that at the end of the day, it makes very little difference. Regardless of who or what is right or wrong, the relationship will do one of three things; it will progress forward, break down or stay stuck right where it is and go nowhere.

So when a suspicious wife creates a false ‘FaceBook’ identity, to catch out her husband and his cheating ways, what does she really achieve?

The morning radio discussions were as divided as they were varied.

“Because his behaviour was suspicious and the wife had seen an email from another female, her actions were warranted.”

“Because she falsely lured him with a fake ID and fake photos, having a good knowledge of how to seduce him, she was devious.”

“His wife should kick him out”

Everyone saw the cheating husband as being wrong and the wife’s actions as being vindicated given that her suspicions turned out to be correct.

Sadly, the outcome is a total marital breakdown and all this entails financially and emotionally for all members of the family. From now on, who was right and who was wrong no longer matters.

The family’s wealth is going to be used to fund one of the most emotionally devastating and financially destructive processes that our society today has to offer.

Wouldn’t it have been so much easier for this couple to sit down and have an emotionally honest discussion about what really matters? After all they were both in a relationship so lacking that it no longer served the emotional needs of either partner!

It’s possible that they were and still are ... Perfect Partners for each other!

Tiger Hunt

Tiger Woods and his wife are in the news and once again teaching the whole world about relationships. But what are we learning? The media treats this as a superstar who has been really caught out, in the process of ruining his otherwise perfect life.

This is a potentially happily married and very fortunate couple who are coming undone. For many its playing their own worst nightmares. While the world waits and watches ... will she go or will she leave ... lots of people hope that she leaves so that Tiger gets his "just desserts".

Of course in a marriage, infidelity is not a rare thing at all. It's very juicy though, especially when it's someone famous we portray to "have it all" because it generates lots of emotion which means that there's a good possibility that some really stupid decision likely to be made in the heat of the moment. Yet, handled properly,this could be the best thing that has ever happened to them both!

Some people can't understand why she's still there. There is of course a really good reason. DIVORCE DOESN'T WORK!! There's actually nothing in that process that helps any end up better off. That's why the majority of divorcees keep on getting divorced time and time again. Lots of pain, lots of destruction little if any gains.

If she goes now it solves nothing; Tiger won't be better off ... his wife won't be better off ... their kids won't be better off ... the media will probably sell a few more papers so it will suit them.

Tiger and his wife now need to work this through together. Tiger has a personal problem to deal with, that's no secret. His wife also has some personal stuff to deal with. Right now they can help each other much more that anyone else can. It takes "two to tango but only one to stuff up the dance". But the dance still has to go on.

Here we've got two people who now have the chance to be better than they've ever been before. All they've got to do is grow bigger than their problems and the best way to do that is with each other.

Life is a struggle ...

Life is a struggle, so it is said. But what comes out of the struggle is everything wonderful in our life. We may struggle to get rid of our problems, in the fantasy that if could get rid of them all, then everything would be fantastic.

"If only I can have a new relationship with someone who truly understands me then things will be great". "If only my children behave themselves then I will have a wonderful life". "If only I have more money, then my problems will all be over". And so on ...

But problem-free is just not possible. Solve one problem and you've got another. Deal with one issue and you've got a host of new issues to deal with.

Every time you solve problems, the next set of problems is bigger and more complex than the ones just solved.

"My problem is that I live alone and I am lonely". So I get married and the lonliness problem is now solved, but hey life is anything but problem free now!!

Problems, in one form or another, are a fact of absolutely everyone's life, all of the time. Perhaps that's why we are such great problem solvers. We are collectively addicted to finding problems and solving them. Without problems to solve, life is all but meaningless. without problems we have nothing to do ... we have no reason to drive ourselves forward ... we have nothing daring us to become even greater.

Our problems then are our constant motivation to grow and develop. That's why happy people are those who are constantly solving problems, while unhappy people are those who are stuck on the same old problems year in and year out.

It stands to reason then that the greatest gifts you can potentially receive are most likely to come from those who you regard as the source of your greatest problems!