Divorce Doesn't Work!

Divorce doesn't work! Over the years I have worked with many couples as they contemplate that perennial question ... should I stay or should I go?

My advice is usually the same; stay with your partner! If you can keep your relationship together then do so because in the longer term staying put can work best for all concerned. I understand that it often seems impossible to stay together, and I also understand that you have every right to separate and divorce if you choose. The problem is that divorce doesn't work. Financially it's about the most costly thing you can do. Emotionally it is extremely painful and on the family front, creates lots of innocent victims

If you do choose to divorce, then do yourself a big favour. Find someone who can help you make this experience as positive as possible for your life. You see, unfortunately in the separation and divorce process, there is nothing whatsoever to help either person deal with the issues they need to deal with.

For a start the issue is not the other person. Sure it probably is the case that whenever you are near your 'loved one', you feel worse than when you're anywhere else, and that you feel lots of relief when you are away from this person. Therefore it makes dam good sense to separate because you're going to feel better right?

Well, no matter how bad the other person makes you feel, the problem is still yours. All the other person does is trigger these feelings in you. For whatever reason and whether you want it to happen or not, it's your 'loved one' that is the person most likely to trigger your issues into coming to the surface. Issues that were there long before you two ever met so wherever you go, all of your issues will come right along with you.

You might not recognize this at first because moving away from the trigger brings relief for a while at least. But you are not leaving the issues behind you're just leaving the current trigger behind. Further down the track another trigger will turn up in your life and so the cycle is destined to continue.

The most likely outcome? You end up feeling just as bad as ever (and even worse) and there's a 75% chance that you're going to do it again ... get divorced that is from the next significant other you feel like living the rest of your life with.

Thankfully there is a better way!!