I just needed to get into trouble

For many years I have worked with people who become their own worst enemy. These are people who work very hard to achieve in life, only to do some really stupid things that undo all of their good work, just when they are about to make it!

Just recently I worked with a man who had overcome a very challenging situation is his marriage. His wife was unhappy and was seeking companionship elsewhere. When the man discovered that another man was interested in her, his emotions went through the roof. In a rage he went to where his wife was at the time, walked into the house and assaulted this other man. He told his wife that he never wanted to see her again but she jumped into his car, refused to get out and ended up going home with him.

The man was subsequently charged with assault and although this process that dragged on it bought the man and his wife closer together. They are and now together in a relationship better than either of them could ever have previously imagined.

But that is not the end of it

2 years down the track and the man was under extreme emotional pressure. His father had been on life-support and had passed away plus financial disagreements that the man was having with an extremely unethical business partner came to a head. The situation reached boiling point when the man went to the to his business partners factory, took some equipment away and told his business partner he would he would give it back when his business partner paid back the money that he had stolen. Problem was that the man had done something illegal (theft) and the police became involved.

Once again the man was facing police charges.

What's so fascinating is that the man told me he felt an inner need to get into trouble. He explained that things have been so good that he didn't know what to expect. What confused him was that he got into trouble with the police, he felt somehow better.

I found this to be an absolutely fascinating example of a phenom are which comes up time and time again from people who have let's say difficult backgrounds.

Here's what the man worked out. It was like it was when he was a child. Way back then the people who loved him inflicted him with pain as they emotionally and verbally abused him. So being in trouble was a place where he felt safe. How about that!

This is why we as adults need to be aware our inner emotional conflicts; because one way or another emotions are expressed and without awareness it can be very destructive.