Why Have an Affair?

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A new online service has just been ‘promoted’ on Australian TV encouraging husbands and wives to fool around, offering infidelity guaranteed in their promotional slogan 'Life is short, have an affair'.

The current affair program portrayed the site as offensive and questioned the site owner (and his wife) in terms of the morality and integrity to the institution of marriage and the two ‘committed’ partners.

This new site is not alone. There are other money-making affairs sites offering advice:

• Discreet affair advice and cheating tips so you don’t get caught having an extramarital affair.

• Having An Affair? Better Be Sure To Cover Your Tracks.

• Have An Affair and Get Some. Get In On The Action. Affairs Now!

• Looking for a place to take your mistress for the weekend? Trying to plan a secret rendezvous with your lover? If so, check out ABC News' list of the top 5 hotels for having an affair.

Let’s not be naive, this is the real world. Infidelity happens, like it or not and it happens for a reason. It is one of the strongest signals possible that the relationship is not complete. When people have affairs they are also saying, “this is not good enough for me and I want more than I am getting out of my relationship!”

There is now one certainty. Something is going to change.

The consequences are extreme, ranging from exhilaration, excitement, passion and romance, to damage, destruction, cruelty, pain and personal insult. Eventually the euphoria and passions subside and then you have to make a choice - “Shall I stay or shall I go back to where I come from?”

Whatever you do, nothing can ever really be the same again because if they are, you’re almost certain to find yourself in another affair in the near future. If you go back to your relationship, then whatever you were looking for in the affair needs to now come into your relationship. If you stay in the affair, then you’re going to now want a lot more than you’ve ever had before.

Extramarital affairs take energy. The lies, the sneaking around, the guilt all zaps the energy. Personally I see people have affairs to bring their relationship to crisis point. It’s now all or nothing and it can be the worst or best thing that ever happened!!

“A desire to have an affair, whether conscious or unconscious, is (in my opinion) a symptom of significant problems, but not necessarily an end to the relationship or an end in itself, and it can create more problems than it solves.” ANONYMOUS

Tiger Hunt

Tiger Woods and his wife are in the news and once again teaching the whole world about relationships. But what are we learning? The media treats this as a superstar who has been really caught out, in the process of ruining his otherwise perfect life.

This is a potentially happily married and very fortunate couple who are coming undone. For many its playing their own worst nightmares. While the world waits and watches ... will she go or will she leave ... lots of people hope that she leaves so that Tiger gets his "just desserts".

Of course in a marriage, infidelity is not a rare thing at all. It's very juicy though, especially when it's someone famous we portray to "have it all" because it generates lots of emotion which means that there's a good possibility that some really stupid decision likely to be made in the heat of the moment. Yet, handled properly,this could be the best thing that has ever happened to them both!

Some people can't understand why she's still there. There is of course a really good reason. DIVORCE DOESN'T WORK!! There's actually nothing in that process that helps any end up better off. That's why the majority of divorcees keep on getting divorced time and time again. Lots of pain, lots of destruction little if any gains.

If she goes now it solves nothing; Tiger won't be better off ... his wife won't be better off ... their kids won't be better off ... the media will probably sell a few more papers so it will suit them.

Tiger and his wife now need to work this through together. Tiger has a personal problem to deal with, that's no secret. His wife also has some personal stuff to deal with. Right now they can help each other much more that anyone else can. It takes "two to tango but only one to stuff up the dance". But the dance still has to go on.

Here we've got two people who now have the chance to be better than they've ever been before. All they've got to do is grow bigger than their problems and the best way to do that is with each other.